God Has Become My Father
I have always grown up going to church since I was little. I was told that it was my dad that had brought us to new hope but I’m not really sure if that’s the truth. But I’ve been at New Hope and now LBCB since I was born. I remember going to VBS in first grade and accepting Christ. Just learning about how he died for our sins and how God forgives all if sincere. I dedicated my life to Christ that day not knowing that I was going to hit some bumps along the way.
My father had passed away when I was about 1 ½ years old from lung cancer. This knowledge I wasn’t aware of until I was in about 4th grade. I think I never really understood when my mom told me he isn’t around anymore. I just thought he was on a very long business trip or something. But when I found out I was broken. I was angry with God for taking away my biological father. I didn’t understand why I was the one to not have a father. Why wasn’t it someone else? I never got to know my father and I felt cheated. So, I turned away from God.
I became a rebel. Man, I drove my mom crazy. I did whatever she didn’t want me to do and more. I didn’t fall into drugs or alcohol luckily but it was still hard for me. I would stay our late and hang out with friends she didn’t’ like. I was yell and slam doors. I was definitely not the “good child”. The good child had always been my brother. I had all this anger for God and didn’t understand him that I just need a way to let it out. I was a complete outcast when I was a child. My brother (before he really became a Christian) would always bully me with my cousins and that had hurt me for so long that I shut everyone out. Feeling like I wasn’t wanted and I had no one to turn to tore me down. My family had all these expectations that I wasn’t meeting. I wasn’t the skinny, “perfect”, smart, had lots of friends girls. I didn’t meet one expectation they had. And everything I did was wrong to them. When all of this started piling up it was my low point. I was crying for help.
Eventually my brother noticed something need to be done so he forced me to go to church because I was going into middle school and there were having aloha night. I told myself that I would just endure it for now. It is only a few hours. What I didn’t know was that I ending up coming back continuously. Even know people didn’t really talk to me and to their defense I looked like an “emo” kid (that’s what my brother told me). But I continued to go even though I didn’t really make friends with any of the kids around my age. But I looked up to the adults like Collin, Samantha, and Geoff. They were the first 3 adults that I connected with and later on of course Pastor Jaron, Deanna, and Sandra. And most recently Gary and Leslie. They showed me Gods grace and love. I found him through everyone that helped me along the way. As I continued to go I met Michael at Basketball Camp or as some of you know him by my “husband” Julian and now we best friends and also came along Laura his sister. I can’t name everyone that’s kept me on track and walking towards God because the list goes on.
Then there was a time when my walk with God was struggling again. My uncle had passed away from cancer also. He had fought it off about 3 times but this time it wasn’t leave. Since I had no dad he was like my dad figure. And when he passed away I was broken again but this I fought and struggled not by myself but with God and with that I grew closer. I’m not ecstatic that my Uncle passed away by all means but he accepted Christ before he passed away and with this experience I was able to grow closer to God.
I remember I was at Pastor Jaron and Deanna’s house one day and I believe it was for a leadership meeting and we were just talking to kill time because I’m always early. And some how we started talking about me. They told me how my I had grown and I hadn’t really stopped to think about it. And now that I look back I’ve changed so much and for the better. As I started growing towards Christ I became happier and open. Even my relationships became better with my family and with my friends. I mean my brother and I still struggle but its so much better now especially I had become a Christian because my morals and thoughts have definitely changed.
God has become my father and I have become his child. I honestly believe that it would have been more of a struggle for me to turn to God if I had my dad or my uncle. I would have been a daddy’s girl and I would probably think that all I need is my dad. But its not, my dad may have been my biological dad but God is my father. And its pretty awesome that God already knows everything in my life and leads me to the right path. Where as if I had a biological dad I would need to explain everything to him because you know guys, but God just gets it. You know what I mean? My walk with God hasn’t been easy but its been amazing and I don’t regret my brother forcing me to come on aloha night because that was the start to all of it. I just want to throw in here that looking back I never doubted Gods existence. I always knew he was there even when I was angry. When I went “emo” I still yelled at God and cried to God because I knew he was there even though I was mad. God has ALWAYS been there for me. He was always there, and there was not a time where he wasn’t. Dedicating my life to Christ is one of the best decisions that I have made and being able to get baptized and be born again in Christ is just so amazing. I don’t deserve it, none of us do but because Christ died on the cross for our sins and because our God is forgiving, loving, caring, indescribable, I mean the list goes on an on, makes it possible. God gave his only son for us to die on the cross for us when it should have been us. So giving God my life is nothing compared for what he has given us.